Making amends becomes
a meaningful learning experience

It was a lovely autumn day when Jim and his friend Herb headed to the river to retire Jim’s houseboat for the season by moving it up river and taking it out of the water. The sun glistened on the water and a soft breeze was blowing. Jim thought back to the fun times he’d enjoyed with his wife, kids and grandkids on the boat that he had worked on for more than two years—refurbishing it inch by inch, inside and out.

As the two men approached the houseboat on that fall day in 2009, they were surprised to see windows broken out on the land side. As they got closer, they realized that colored paint was smeared all over the boat and the sliding glass doors had been battered.

Inside, the gaudy paint, later determined to be from paintball guns, had ruined wood paneling, carpet and even irreplaceable mementos. A stereo system was ripped out and brand new lawn furniture on the front deck was ruined.

Jim, in anguish, called the local sheriff, who investigated and soon found the culprits—a group of local boys. Insurance covered most of the $13,600 in damages, but hours and hours of repair work were required by Jim and his wife Pearl, who felt frustrated and violated.

Those charged included two 18-year-old males who were turned over to the adult court system and several juveniles age 16 and 17. The juveniles were sentenced to probation and community service and were referred to the Accountability Conferencing program offered by Lutheran Social Services of North Dakota’s Restorative Justice program.

“Accountability Conferencing is an opportunity for youthful offenders to take responsibility for their actions and make amends for the harm they did,” according to Joel Friesz, Restorative Justice program director.

Joel explained that a trained facilitator meets first with each offender and their family to determine if they are willing to acknowledge the need to repair the harm. The facilitator also meets with the victims to discuss their willingness to sit down face-to-face with the offenders and describe how the crime affected them.

“The outcome of each Accountability Conference is a mutually acceptable Accountability Agreement—a legally binding document in which the offender agrees to take certain steps to repair the harm that was done,” Joel said. “But this comes only after each offender has acknowledged their actions and answered any questions from the victim about what happened.”

A remorseful offender

At the pre-meeting with the boys and their parents, Restorative Justice Facilitator Michelle Dire explained the Accountability Conference process and counseled the boys to be prepared to take responsibility for their actions and make amends. Later at the Accountability Conference, the four boys and their families met with victims Pearl and Jim for nearly an hour.

“Our facilitator, Michelle, did a wonderful job preparing us for the meeting and helping me to express myself,” Pearl noted. “She was not afraid to confront these people and encourage the boys to own up to what they did.”

“The Accountability Conference was very emotional for us, and I cried through most of it,” Pearl recalled. “My husband explained how much work he had put into that boat and how much time was being required to repair the damage. It’s hard because it refreshes your memory of what happened.”

Pearl added that they didn’t bring any anger to the table, but just wanted to understand why the boys did what they did and express how much they had been affected.

“I told them that when he found the boat, my husband’s legs gave out and he started shivering uncontrollably, he was so upset, and he had to sit down and have his friend wrap a blanket around him. It was very emotional,” Pearl said.

Randy, one of the boys’ parents, said that his son Cameron could not offer any explanation for what they did.

“I knew all these boys, and they were all basically good kids with no previous involvement with law enforcement,” Randy said. “It was a case of very bad decision-making.”

Cameron did describe at the conference how he and his dad had worked all winter fixing up an old truck, and said he would have felt terrible if someone had wrecked it. As a result of the discussion at the conference, the victims said they have no fear of future reprisals or vandalism by these boys.

Learning from the experience

The four boys paid equal restitution to cover the victims’ insurance deductible, and Cameron wrote a heartfelt letter of apology to the victims. Randy required his son to pay for his attorney out of his savings account and to pay his share of the restitution that was agreed to from earnings from his part-time job.

“I think as parents we are quick to defend out kids, but while we support them, we have to also help them be accountable for their actions,” Randy stated.

As a result, Randy has observed that Cameron now thinks about his actions more closely before he takes them.